ANGERED BY SNUBBING, LIBYA, CHINA, SYRIA FORM 'AXIS OF JUST AS EVIL'
Bitter at being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be at least as evil as the Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of his recent State of the Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as being mere amateurs in the evil game. "In their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils. Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can only have three. And a secret handshake, of course."
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift. Within moments of the announcement, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan and Serbia said they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with Zimbabwe and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia quickly established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics. Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About America.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in "Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Uruguay, Paraguay and Ukraineguay denied all charges.
Meanwhile, Prime Minister Ariel Sharon insisted that Israel didn't want to join any Axis. Privately, world leaders said that was only because no one had asked him.