hakeswill (hakeswill) wrote,

if it be your will...

Well, it's been a while since I posted on here. I have been working an awful lot, and I have been trying to decide how to explain my feelings as coherently as possible. So here goes.

I was reading Ender's Game (for the umpteenth time) over the weekend. When I finally turned out the light and tried to sleep, this feeling of depression washed over me. I was struck by an awful thought. "Was that the happiest time of my life? Will everything after my ex just be a downward spiral?" (apologies to Trent) Luckily for me, I can only mope for so long before I start functioning again.

I still feel damaged from the breakup, though. There is a huge hole in my psyche where she was. My heart is still in Maine, and the rest of me is down here in PA. All I want is to love and be loved. I think being in a relationship would help to "fix" me, but until I am more centered, I doubt I would even be able to try and date anyone. I hate catch-22s. So, I wait, and hope that there is healing going on inside myself. Is it possible for me to grow a second heart? I hope so, because I want to feel that way again.

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