April 25th, 2002

darkglobe

"it goes even deeper..."

Well, it's been a while since I updated. I haven't had much free time lately. Let's see... What is new... What is exciting... Nothing.

I got a buzz cut last Thursday, and the temperature plummeted the next day. Heh.

I finished The Bear and the Dragon, and amused my Russian (and Bulgarian) coworkers by learning "Yob tvoyo maht," which translates to "Fuck your mother." Now I am reading the Gulag Archipelago.

Saturday morning, I got up early (after five hours of sleep) and had to wait for my sister and mother to get ready for "A Trip To Visit My Relatives." I felt bad for my Dad, since he was waiting at their house, while I spent my time catching up on He-Man's journal. He still rocks. We went to New Jersey, and spent the first part of the visit with my Aunt Alice at my grandparents' home. It is sold now, and I had no idea until this trip. My Nana was being taken care of by Alice, but is now in a nursing home. Anyways, Alice looked about 85. I think she's 55, but the years have not been kind, and her smoking and medications have taken their toll. My Aunt Mary and Uncle Bob were there as well, and they look great. I was glad they were there. They are my coolest relatives. My Aunt Peggy was there too, and she looks reasonably well. She's still recovering from colorectal cancer, and apparently has adhesions that require surgery, which will make more adhesions... Uncle Mal was there as well. Alice was showing us all old pictures of our family, going all the was back to old tin types. She had some sort of aphasia in the middle of talking to us. I think she should be in a home too.

We went to the nursing home next, to visit Nana and a next door neighbor of hers. They both seemed very happy there. Alice was taking care of both of them, but not doing a very good job, from what I hear. Now they get three meals a day, and other people to talk to. Nana is almost totally gone mentally. She only had two moments of lucidity while we were there... There were two people at the home that really made me feel terrible. The first was a woman at the table next to Nana. She kept looking at me and saying, "I can't eat this." I felt miserable. An employee told her she had to eat more. She looked at me again, and told me, "I can't eat this." I replied, "So don't." That seemed to make her happy. Then the employee took her food away. The second woman was trying to get back to her room, and didn't know where it was. I looked around for some help, but there was noone around. Bleh. I could not work in an environment like that.

Next, we went to my cousin Amy's apartment, since Aunt Peggy had forgotten some things at the house. We spent a couple of hours there, and it was good quality time, where we talked about all of our other relatives. Amy has a lot of books in common with me. Yay genetics.

After over twelve hours together, I finally made it home. I went to bed almost immediately, since I had my usual 15.5 hour workday on Sunday.

Sunday was OK. I helped Annie hang up some plants next door. She seemed to really enjoy using a drill on solid bricks.

On Monday, I worked from 10 until 4, and then went over to my parents' house to watch movies with Kerry. We watched Sexy Beast (bleh), Vatel (quite good), and The Golden Bowl (ugh). I went home around midnight, and slept for 13 hours. Disjointed, but my body still appreciated it. I got up around 1, and played Heroes IV until my friend Charlie came over. We went out to dinner at LeSaigon, and I had two B1s. I love their chicken with vermicelli noodles. We played Heroes until he had to go home, and then I played a campaign by myself. It was nice to have a day off to myself for a change.

So, that is what is new with me. I have been feeling rather low lately, and I don't see anything positive in my immediate future. I miss having a partner, but I can only bend so far. I enjoy the little things as they come, and I eat my Edy's pints of ice cream. Denial, denial, denial.

"I am a rock. I am an island..."
sunset

down in a hole - by Alice in Chains

bury me softly in this womb
i give this part of me for you
sand rains down and here i sit
holding rare flowers
in a tomb... in bloom
down in a hole and
i don't know if i can be saved
see my heart i decorate it like a grave
you don't understand who they
thought i was supposed to be
look at me now a man
who won't let himself be
down in a hole, feelin' so small
down in a hole, losin' my soul
i'd like to fly,
but my wings have been so denied
down in a hole and they've put all
the stones in their place
i've eaten the sun so my tongue
has been burned of the taste
i have been guilty
of kicking myself in the teeth
i will speak no more
of my feelings beneath
down in a hole, feelin' so small
down in a hole, losin' my soul
i'd like to fly but my
wings have been so denied
bury me softly in this womb
oh i want to be inside of you
i give this part of me for you
oh i want to be inside of you
sand rains down and here i sit
holding rare flowers
(oh i want to be inside of you)
in a tomb...in bloom
oh i want to be inside...
down in a hole, feelin' so small
down in a hole, losin' my soul
down in a hole, feelin' so small
down in a hole, outta control
i'd like to fly but my
wings have been so denied

http://www.networks-plus.net/miketest/dirt.html

Since Layne Staley died recently, I will postpone my song choice for this week and put in an AIC selection. Dirt was a great album.