August 5th, 2001


I am peeved at LJ

I wrote a lengthy entry yesterday, after power had been restored. But when I went to update, LJ informed me that it was in the process of moving servers, and I lost everything that I had!

Needless to say, I was pissed. I do not write very well, and I am aware of this. It's one of the reasons that I post lyrics and poems here: they can say what I am feeling better than I can.

So, I tried to recreate what I had from yesterday, but it's not the same.


I saw my ex today

I was almost done the French Lieutenant's Woman, and I saw that her mother was at the book store. So I went over to see if I could get another book to read. They both came out before I could enter. I didn't know she was there. She looked stunned, like I was going to hit her or something. I said hi. She said hi, then ducked into her mother's car.

I sent her an email when I got home, even though I know I shouldn't have. Here's what it said:

"Hi. I was not planning on seeing you today. I saw your mother's car, and was just going over to ask her if I could borrow a book to read, as I was almost done the one I had.

What did your expression mean? You looked so sad. Am I that abhorrent to you, that you shy away as soon as you see me? I wish it was not so.

You never replied to my last email, so I guess I have my answer. I still love you, but it seems I make you happiest by leaving you alone. I will try my best, but I miss you terribly.

I miss telling you what is happening in my life. I miss telling you what Maxim is making Hiroki eat. I miss being able to tell you that Jhonen has his own cartoon show on Nick.

I wish we could be friends. I wish you would talk to me. I wish you well."