July 27th, 2001


finally, I can post again!

LJ has been down quite a bit lately, and it was annoying. I am working about 60 hours this week, and I didn't like being unable to update on here without major lag. Looks like I should buy an account. So, what has happened in my life since Tuesday?

I finished the Fist of God, and it was fairly interesting. I wonder if Saddam actually did have a nuclear weapon, or if that was just fanciful nonsense added by Forsyth. After that, I read the Hope, by Herman Wouk. It's about the formation of Israel, and chronicles 1948 to the six days war in 1967. It was very good, but not as good as his WW 2 novels.

Also, I saw my ex on Wednesday. She was getting into her mother's car, outside of Pizza Hut. I did not approach her, since she seems to want no contact with me. I did go outside just to look at her, since my eyes were so thirsty. When they drove by, her mother waved, and I waved back, but I don't even know if she saw me. Sigh...

Logic and emotion are still fighting for dominance inside me regarding her. I almost wrote to her, before my brain took over and informed my heart that she does not want to hear from me. I think I will always love her, and that is both a good and a bad thing. It means that I have integrity, but it also means I am stupidly loyal to something that is long over, at least in her mind.

If there is an afterlife, perhaps I will be allowed to make up for my mistakes with her then, since she won't let me in this life.

Well, I am off to bed. It's another long day at work for me tomorrow. I really miss sleeping with someone else.