June 23rd, 2001


one last attempt to bridge the gap

I wrote an email to my ex, even though everyone is telling me to move on and try to forget about her. Here is what it said...

"When we were at Starbucks, I told you what I wanted and what I was willing to settle for were two very different things. Sadly, you are not even coming close to that level. Seeing you less than once every two weeks is not enough, and all you are doing is hurting me by seeing me so infrequently.

I honestly thought I had bridged some of the gap between us last Wednesday. I poured my heart out to you, and then you left without replying. Did you only respond after a week because I sent you that email? Your response was underwhelming at best, and saying that I "manifest hostility around you" was the last twist of the knife. Exasperation, definitely. Hostility is a word I would never use.

At the moment, I do not believe that you love me or care for me. If you did, you would not be acting the way that you are. So please, if you do care, show it. Don't disregard me and avoid me. It is killing me. In this last month, you have hurt me more than any other time, even when I was in the hospital. Everyone I have talked to about you has said that I am in your past, both as a boyfriend and as a person. If that is true, I will leave you alone. If not, please spend time with me.

Either way, I would like an answer from you, preferably faster than the last one.

almost always with love,