May 30th, 2001


the letter I sent her on Thursday

I was very surprised to see you yesterday. I was not expecting you to be there, and I didn't know how to act. I would like to know how you felt when you saw me, since your reaction was cool at best. I understand that your free time is limited while you are down here, and you are probably going to be pigeonholed back into "daughter" mode, but I would like to be your friend.

My thoughts about you change by the hour, but they always come back to love. The emails you sent me while you were at college were in wildly different tones, and I am guessing that your feelings regarding me change a lot as well. I wanted to send you packages, cards, and flowers, but I didn't think they would be appreciated. I only emailed you when the need to communicate became too strong.

You probably don't want me as a boyfriend, and that hurts. Still, I would like to be your friend. Is there any room in your life for me? I miss spending time with you. I can't change our past, but I am willing to do almost anything for you in the present and future. Please call me.

the response I wrote on Tuesday night

I am writing this response to you the night before for several reasons. First, I dont think as clearly about you when you are right in front of me. You fluster me too easily, and you are the only one that does that to me. Second, I can use the computer, so this will hopefully be more legible. Third, I wanted to take some time to think about how I really feel about you, and not just speak to you off the cuff.

By now, you probably got my letter from Thursday. I meant what I said. I would love to spend time with you. Its been almost four years, and I still dont know what our relationship is, or what it will be. I agree with you that the timing was wrong for us, but I am glad that we tried. You are the most amazing person I know, and I have matured emotionally thanks to you.

Is there any chance for an us in the future? It is what I dream of. I can only offer you my love, as unconditional as I can make it.

then I will dream that hope again, but else would die.

my meeting with her

Well, I am very relieved after seeing her. We met on the way into Starbucks, and both ordered drinks. There was an old woman in the back room where the comfortable chairs are, so we sat down at a table and started talking. She didn't get my letter from Thursday until last night, due to Memorial Day slowing down the mail. She asked me if I meant what I wrote in the letter, and I said yes.

It was wonderful just talking with her, and she seemed happy to see me as well. It turned out that both of us were very worried about this meeting. I can't be her boyfriend, but we are going to try being friends. She had to go after an hour. I told her that I wished we had another five hours to talk, and she said we have the whole summer. Happy happy, joy joy...

I do love her.