"And even though I made jokes and was ironic and pretended to be cheerful, I was just sad, as if that was the only emotion I had left. At least I had hope, I told myself abstractly, wondering what hope was, and if I really had any. Hope was when you had nothing at all but you acted like whatever you needed was on its way, even though you had no reason to believe it was. This only confused me, so now I had two emotions - sadness and confusion. I decided it must mean I was starting to feel better."