April 11th, 2001


an email from my ex

Well, I got an email yesterday from my love, but it had no good news. Here is the relevant part:

"i can't imagine being in a relationship now, though. every time i write or think of writing i feel i should apologise to you for not being who i was three years ago- and i don't mean that snidely- for not giving myself to you. i don't feel i have anything to give now. please forgive my clumsy diction- i'm sure i could word things better but they're ugly anyway. it seems so surreal writing to you as if we barely knew each other, but maybe we really don't. i would love to hear about anything going on in your life, if you want to write.
i hope you find someone who can give you what you need. i wish you were happy.
always with love."

I REALLY want to write back to her, but I don't have anything new to say. I miss her. I love her, and I am in love with her - and she does not reciprocate. Part of me is screaming inside again... "This is not fair, this is not fair, this is not fair"

"Life is sad, and so is love..." Kate Bush

helping a friend

I was asked to help write a six page essay on depression by someone I know online. There is an awful lot of info available on the net. Perhaps I can help myself as well. I took an online test for depression, and it said "Your answers reflect the presence of depressive symptoms. It is advised to seek a psychiatric consultation."

Feel free to try it out yourself at:

books - a nice escape from reality

I have been reading a lot more recently. The Silence of the Lambs (again), A Kiss of Shadows by Laurell K. Hamilton, and now Smoke and Mirrors, by Neil Gaiman. He is amazing. If you haven't read the Sandman comic books, I can not urge you enough to try them.