Lela was with her mom at the Book Exchange this evening. I didn't approach her, since she doesn't want to talk to me. The last email that she sent me said that she wants to close that part of her life and move on. I will try not to contact her, but it will not be easy. It hurts.
I think she only remembers the bad times in our relationship. Sometimes, I wish my memory wasn't as good as it is. I remember all of the times that I screwed up, but I also remember how amazing we were too.
Wisdom equals knowledge through pain. My LJ bio says I am searching for love, wisdom, and knowledge. I guess I am a bit masochistic.
I am angry with myself for my past actions. And I resent being a human. I still want to be a cat.