hakeswill (hakeswill) wrote,
hakeswill
hakeswill

the emotional gauntlet has been won for today...

Yet another 15 1/2 hour workday is over. But this one had a nasty intermission.

I reread A Fire in the Sun, by George Alec Effinger, the sequel to When Gravity Fails. Then I decided to go to the book store to get something to read in the afternoon. My ex's mother was working, and she invited me to see how the most recent stray cat was doing. He has stopped hiding, which is an improvement. When we went upstairs, she asked me if I wanted to see picture's of my ex's room in Maine. I said sure. Seeing pictures of her or talking about her is always bittersweet. There were a few pictures of the empty room, then a couple of her in the room, then one with her and some guy at a cafe... Then one outside of her and the same guy........................

In a subdued voice, I thanked her mother for letting me see the pictures, then I went back to work.

Sigh.

Loss, betrayal, anger, sorrow, jealousy - all of these emotions and more, and for what? Even if she is in a relationship, what does it change in my life? At least the pain goes away faster each time.

I have a chance at something special with Sarah. Dwelling on the past will not help that. December is a long way away, but I am looking forward to seeing her.
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